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This is my second letter in less than a week. You know what that means. So many things have happened since I was conscripted into the army. It was a challenge for me to join the army. I was at a point where I was given a chance to choose between your life and mine, and I chose mine. I do not mean to sound defensive but my life was in pieces then. You exuded calm confidence at my final decision and let me go. That, I much appreciate. Paul, whether you did it for me or for whatever reason, I really appreciate your decorum as far as my decision was concerned. I hope you have moved on though I would want to meet you some day when I come home after my current assignment.
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You know I would love to share with you the reason why I considered joining the forces. I know you will keep on reading this letter and not end at this point. The things we shared together and more especially the things you taught me have helped me a lot. I have learned to be decisive like you. Here in the army, there is no room for indecisiveness. Whatever it is, it is not an option. So, the more I try to keep up my job here at the forces, the more I am reminded of you. I know it was not easy for both of us. Though it was not a happy situation by the time I left, I guess it had to happen that way. I even recalled this expeience in my last letter to you.
Before I forget, I must thank you for your understanding and even taking time to reply to my previous letter. Not many people would do like you did. The main reason why I joined the forces was entirely for adventure and the opportunity to explore new regions. However, the fears are many because death stares at me everyday. It is not me alone but also my fellow colleagues are experiencing the same. Every time I spent here in the field, I feel as though my life was getting shorter and that I guess is why my letters are too frequent. This is also based on the fact that we did not have much time to talk before I came here.
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The sound of falling gun shells in the camp and its vicinity keep me constantly thinking whether the bullet hit one of our colleagues. This is so horrific that some of us have gone into shock. It is all adventurous here and there is no going back as a soldier. Not that there is nothing to go back to but because we are bound. We made a commitment and you know rules are rules. If we don't have them, we are nothing but savages.
The more I try to recall the earliest impression of my early life with you, the more surprising the result comes. I do not know whether you will ever understand me. I hope this has not turned out to be a mystery all these months. I felt I should get to you. I ask you to forgive me if I am in some way scaring you and that you wish I listened to you initially. Our supervisors don't allow us to wear coats as they assert that we will not be in a position to walk well. Instead, we wear many clothing layers as we can. Therefore, so often than not, our clothes are ever sweaty and dirty.
I know you would love to hate this. All the time we have been together back at home, you did not want anybody to push you around; asking you to do something you do not want. However, things are different here. We receive orders and go by them. No questions. If any case, you are not supposed to question anything to your supervisors. I wonder how you would have survived if you were in my shoes. With all these adventures, I have not been shot as yet.
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All the same, I am sure it will happen and thus who knows that I will be there to tell the story. But you taught me courage and how fear can be my traitor. Paul, I must tell you that sometimes I wish that there was another chance given to me while in the field. I would say I have had enough of adventure and explorations. I beg you; show this letter to James who was considering joining the army the last time we were together. Let him know the reality here.
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