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Dear Mr. and Miss Dwight,
Dear mar and Mrs. Dwight how do you do? I a ma happy to learn that up on learning that I am taking a course in interpersonal communication you think I can be of help to you in improving your relationship. I feel encouraged by the confidence you have in me in fact ia m flattered and thanks a million. I a m more than willing to lent a helping hand where possible so feel welcome at all times and I will always do anything I can to help you improve your relationship.
So may I start by congratulating you for being sincere and honest enough to recognize that in your relationship have an issue to do with your interpersonal communication. Frankly speaking the issue of interpersonal communication is in most case an issue of concern in many relationships and yet it is more often than not relegated to the back seat something that breeds a lot of conflict and misunderstanding between couples and especially newly weds like yourselves. So may I once again encourage you to take heart and be committed in your endeavourer to cultivate and nurture a healthy and long loving relationship.
For you to achieve this my advice is that the key to a successful relationship or precisely a successful marriage lies in proper interpersonal communication between the couple. This is because for two people to co-exist in harmony each must anticipate and complement the needs desires feelings and emotions of the other. And the only way to achieve this is for both to communicate to each other in a way that is understood by the other person. In this case to communicate is different from making assumptions or expectations that the other person knows or ought to know what is expected of them by their partiers simply by virtue of being their spouse.
Thus in this letter I do outline some principles or at least some aspects of interpersonal communication which I do feel that they can go a long way in helping you to increase or cultivate effective interpersonal communication. The list is however not conclusive or absolute in any way and the door is always open for you for any further questions clarifications or consultations so feel free to always get in touch.
First and fore most it is important to note that interpersonal communication is quite different from the other forms of communication in that it involves few people in close proximity in your case two people in a relationship (Meyer 2011). This makes it possible to make use of many sensory channels in the process of communication as well as to get immediate feed back. Thus researchers recommend that for this kind of communication one should adopt a developmental view.
Under this view communication is defined as the communication that occurs between people who have known each other for sometime. The key element to note in this definition is that it takes in to account the fact that the concerned people view each other as unique special or are at least close rather people acting out a social situation.
Thus if you come to think of it almost every problem every conflict and every misunderstanding in a relationship emanates from an issue that has to do with the interpersonal communication between the parties involved (Stephenson 2008). This is mainly because interpersonal communication is a complex process whose only definition is as simple or as complex as a sender and a receiver exchanging massages that contain ideas and feelings mixed together. Where by the sender encodes a massage by use of verbal vocal or visual elements while the receiver decodes them by sorting out and interpreting them based on their own experiences beliefs needs thus in case of any break down or mix-up the whole process is thrown in to a conflict.
The principles of effective communication
The following are some of the key principles to effective communication which I hope will shade some light in to your interpersonal communication (Meyer 2011). These principles have emerged from mediation and in particular focus on the nature and quality of relationship and interpersonal communication. In fact research has shown that people need to identify the common ways by which they communicate so as to be aware and understand the ways by which they can improve the quality and develop effective interpersonal communication with each other (Stephenson 2006). Thus these principles are going to help you towards this end so please rake your time to study them together and in case of any difficult please feel free and do not hastate to get in touch
1. First treat each other with respect. Thus instead of demolishing or complaining about your spouse try to enjoy yourself in being in each other’s company and don’t allow yourself to be distracted by your difficulties with each other.
2. When conversing try nit to interrupt one another. By not interrupting each other you focus your attention on what is being said and in turn listen more thus making the conversation more interesting useful worthwhile and joyful rather than difficulty boring tiring or anxious.
3. In all your daily aspects give and allow the right of pass. This is making an attempt to allow your partner to choose to do something rather than getting him/her to feel compelled to do it (Rusbult Et al 2006). Also acknowledge that t attempting to change the other person in not only unloving but potentially impossible. Again trying hard to change your partner may instead contribute towards making him/her feel uncomfortable. This Principle also involves taking responsibility for our own choices and deeds.
4. please ‘do not volunteer others’ it is prudent for each of you to understand the importance of valuing each others right to choose and not to use ways in a manner that assumes we can choose for the other person.
5. Always speak in a way that acknowledges that you can only speak for you self. Thus in your communication always make accurate statements without assuming that you can speak for you spouse. Such an approach saves unnecessary resentments and resistance towards each other.
6. When speaking it is good to speak freely but nit too often or for too long as this fill the ‘air time’ in the conversation thus cuts us off from connecting to our partner through our communication thus losing us the opportunity to learn and be creative by hearing the other’s point of view on the issue.
7. If need be challenge the behaviour and not the person. Here I mean that in case of difficult situations try to de-personalize the situation and turn it in to a learning opportunity for learning and creativity instead of a personal battle for name calling (Meyer 2011). You could try to use a more effective communication approach that is devoid of uncalled for personal labels or a destructive comment that breeds more confrontation. This way you keep the focus on the issue which in turn allows for a more reactive response to any difficult situation.
8. Another key issue is to ensure that you do respect each other’s confidentiality by generating a feeling of trust safety or at best intimacy through valuing what is important to each other as well as acknowledging and respecting their vulnerability in relation to a sensitive issue.
9. Last but not the least understand and acknowledge that tit is okay to make mistakes. In this way we acknowledge that t we are not robots and hence mistakes are opportunities for learning connecting as well as times to gain insights rather than opportunities to condemn each other. After all we are not that perfect ourselves. Thus a no- blame approach is always advisable in difficulty situations.
Misconceptions of effective interpersonal communication
Many people look at having effective communication as another, job .Something that many are not really ready to dedicate themselves to .The mere knowledge that you need to start to tweak your relationship here and there becomes a very difficult, (Meyer, (2011). .But guess what your relationship will not become better or ideal if not worked on. It’s more like when you want to eat some good food you have to go for a variety of ingredients that will make the food you expect to be great.
Some people say also its expensive. From going to counseling sessions every once in a while .This is just stigma or fear to dedicate yourself to have that ideal relationship leading to a great lifetime with your loved one
How to effectively use and improve Interpersonal Relationships
The basis of any relationship(s) is communication .It can be verbal or non verbal, as long as the message to be conveyed and understood .For any message to be understood by the recipient and the sender should be on the same page .For this to happen there should be an ability to comprehend each others message .A break down in communication is what is usually detrimental toward driving any point home for any of the recipients to comprehend.
Let’s look at this common issue on a deeper level and how to improve on it incase it crops up during a potential relationship that may lead to marriage .When communication breaks down then there are several issues that could arise … a verbal fight, a physical confrontation like squeezing you partners hand to emphasis your point or even vent your anger banging of the door after misunderstanding are usually caused by a factor called listening.
Listening is the ability to be able to perceive sound through using ears or understanding gestures in the case of persons with listening disability. An example of a break down of communication is of a friend of mine who had just gotten engaged .The couple was very happy to find out they understood each other very well when they were courting each other, but they did not ever perceive themselves ever having any arguments over many issues .One day her fiancé wanted to have egg omelets for breakfast the next morning before he left for work .He left some money for use and a note behind asking the fiancé to prepare that for him and later told her ,you will do that thing for me honey and he left after wishing her a good day.
She woke up thirty minutes later, and started her chores, which included opening the windows for fresh air to circumnavigate in the kitchen and other rooms. She did not know that by opening the windows the note that was left for her would be blown by the wind be lost.
The next morning she woke up early in the morning prepared breakfast which she boiled eggs instead of frying them and making omelets .Her fiancé work up prepared himself and was so infuriated for not finding the omelets he was expecting to,.He started mumbling and made such a big fuss over a small issue .He quarreled her for not being able to follow a simple instruction. But we all know that it was not her fault in any way just a break down of communication.
Therefore listening is one important factor that should be carefully thought out and communicated to each other.
Other factors that improve relationships are Respect for each others opinon, trusting each other in any matter, commitment, planning for couple counseling sessions for issues that may arise as a result of possible conflicts.
This is the ability of one to be able to recognize and appreciate ones emotions and communicate to him or her effectively o issues that are closely related to have good coexistence among people .One psychologist termed it as understanding a persons true nature and appreciating their weakness.
The main aim of one having emotional intelligence is to be able to meet ones needs without actually asking for them upfront .It is an natured skill that comes with a long time relation between persons who are close, like a couple, a sister to sister relationship or a close relative. But it is well understood between couples who are planning to have a long term relationship with each other i.e. marriage and a life time of respect and love for each other.
Basically every relationship has to have a good communication base .Without having an effective base for a relationship then relationship growth is likely do be headed to the docks.