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Depression is one of the tormenting things an individual can ever go through. It is so confusing to many who have never been through this state in life. It both affects individuals physically and emotionally. Many doctors have experienced and encountered many patients with depression and it has become a big concern to them on how to deal with these individuals.
It is something that I have been hearing of, watching it in movies of people who are depressed not thinking that I will be a victim of such circumstances in some days to come in my life. It happened to me early in the morning, not knowing how to explain everything surrounding my life. My parents had divorced long time ago, and I was left with my siblings under the care of my auntie. She has been always so good to us, but it started 4 years later after the divorce of my parents that, she started treating me like somebody who deserves no right to life at all. Waking up early each and every morning to graze the cattle in a swampy place. No school any longer, I was turning to a cowboy, yet my determination is the only rescue and solution to my younger siblings in life some time to come.
How horrible it is when I imagine of such a day in my entire life with such kind of depression. A day that so many issues surrounds me, which I cannot explain and with nobody to advise me on the way forward of all this. God! "Where are you?" I ask myself, why you have hidden your face from me. Have you forgotten you promise that I should not fear not, for am with you?
I fell stressed all the time in that when I wake up each and every morning I feel sad and, whenever I fell a little happiness I immediately feel sad. Always with a sad, face to the extent of affecting the feelings of any person surrounding me my siblings and the entire family. Nervousness and a lost despairing felling normally accompany this sadness. It is a struggle to keep my emotions above the waters.
Waking up early in the morning is even a problem feeling slow as if I have not gotten enough sleep. Following my daily routine program set by my auntie is a big problem though I know what is supposes to be done, but getting it done is a different struggle at all. My siblings are under my care and so, many decisions are suppose to make but unable to do so. I even forget that am suppose to do so.
At the happening of all this, am still a student and to make it worse I normally graze the cattle at a swamp just immediate to the school compound. Thoughts of, how we have been playing with my friends streams in my mind. My goodness I do not want to encounter them anymore, my self-confidence is no more. I lose the sense of my identity as if am acting in public all the time.
Everything seems to be a distant or a daydream to me. Anxiety and nervousness develop when dealing with people around me. The cattle am grazing even have no meaning in my life anymore am no more somebody deserving right to have life as my auntie thinks. My life is at a standstill.
Furthermore, I stay out until late at night with the mind that I will not encounter any person on my way home. Eating is another problem. Depression has invented my mind largely that I do not take a shower. My younger siblings and my auntie are wondering with my recent changing behaviour but in overall depression is a disorder that eats the life of somebody like a cancerous disease.