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I agree with this statement. Every day, every minute, in every point of the globe people fall in love. But how many of such relationships become selfless love?
There is a difference between loving someone and being in love with one. Being in love with someone means to like this person because of his/her present appearance and features. It always precedes the feeling of love (Adetosoye, 2011). When the person is in love, he or she goes through the wide range of feelings from desire to take care and sharing the one’s dreams to the jealousy. This feeling is like hurricane, it comes from nowhere and it can evolve to the stable feeling of love or it can just pass away.
The feeling of love, on the contrary, comes after one gets to know about his or her partner and accepted all his disadvantages. It can take years or months. People can love their pets, houses and work, they can love parents and friends, but this love will not be the same as for the spouse or partner. Couples sometimes worry that they are losing the love that brought them together, but in reality their love changed the depth.
Sometimes the feeling of love can be complemented with the feeling of being in love. Spouses can love each other for years and still remain in love. These couples are the strongest because their pure feeling of love is complemented with the feeling of being in love. They do not cease to admire of each other every day.
Self-love is necessary before we can love someone else
I totally agree with this statement. There are two reasons for this. Firstly, people attract those who are similar to them. Not only in terms of physical or sexual attraction, but metaphysically. They are not aware why they do like a particular person, but they can feel an irresistible attraction to the one. And secondly, how the one can love another person, who is similar to him or her if he/she does not love himself/herself? If self-love is absent, the love to another person is impossible. It can be anything but love. Even the Bible says “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Hambrick, 2005). It means that the one cannot love another person if he does not love himself/herself because he will never know what the true love is. One can love someone only through the prism of self-love. Self-love is the basis of loving others.
According to the diagram the love to someone else is like iceberg: the most important and significant part of it is hidden. If this part, the part of self-love, is missing, the tip of the iceberg would drift slowly in different directions. The same happens to many people. They do not love themselves and they cannot love anyone else; that is why they are changing partners as often as they can. Only if a person will accept and love himself or herself, he or she will be able to truly love someone else.
You always like someone you love
This statement is quite ambiguous. People usually like their partners before they are falling in love with them. Of course if it is not a kind of mercenary marriage. Very often the friendship between a man and a woman develops into relations or even marriage. But on the other hand, the stable love relations do not imply that people still like each other. People can love their partners and at the same time they can like many other women and men. Spouses can love each other but the mutual sympathy can already be gone. For example, some character flaws that previously perceived normally now can be annoying for one of the spouses.
Long-term relations are based on mutual love and care, but partners can not like each other anymore as they did before. The annoying character flaws become not important because the feeling of mutual sympathy outgrows into a deep feeling of love. Of course it is hard to fall in love with someone whom the person does not even like. But since there is mutual love in the relations, the feeling of sympathy is not important anymore.
Loving someone involves accepting risk
Even I agree with this statement, there is one significant remark. Loving someone involves accepting risk, it is true. Crossing the road, or driving a car also involves accepting risk, but people do not think about it while walking or driving. The same is with love. A person does not think about risk while falling in love. In love relations there are always two parties, and the one cannot be absolutely sure only of his or her intentions. No one is insured from being betrayed or deceived. While people are falling in love, they are often blinded and deafened by the other person. They cannot soberly assess their partner and unconsciously they accept the risk. That is why it will be fair to say that falling in love can involve accepting some risk.
In more long-term relationships the risk of being deceived is less because people get to know each other better. Of course there is another risk in long-term relationships: one of the partners can cease loving the other. It can happen any time, but still it does not stop people from loving.
Loving someone involves accepting risk: in the beginning it is the risk of unjustified expectations about the other and later loving someone can involve accepting the risk of betrayal or even divorce since the love can be gone. If the person truly loves himself or herself and his or her partner it is obvious that the risk will be minimal, because he will do his best to protect himself and his partner from any possible love failures or any kind of possible risk.
Fulfilling sexual relationships are possible even without love
I agree with this statement. In modern society of general rush many people do not have time for long relations. It is much more convenient for them to have one night relationships than to wait or look for long-term ones. For many people sex without love is a real find. It is so uncomplicated, unproblematic and it is just so practical for them. They are afraid of commitments and choose the easiest way. For others, sex without love means passion, desire and lust for discovering something new. Fulfilling sexual relationships are some kind of sports for them.
Men are usually the ones who enjoy this type of sexual freedom most. Men by nature are polygamous and unconsciously they are trying to spread their seed as much as possible. Thence, fulfilling sexual relationship for them is possible without love.
As for women, they are monogamous and subconsciously they are trying to find the one who will be most appropriate for conceiving. But in modern society women share the same range of responsibilities as men do. Often, they are also trying to avoid additional obligations. So, it is possible for women to fulfill sexual relationships even without love.
In some eastern countries fulfilling sexual relationships without love is a long-standing tradition. For example, in most Arab countries harems still exist. A Muslim can have four spouses and any number of concubines. It is obvious that he cannot love all women at the same time. But he can fulfill sexual relationships with any of them even without love.
If you are unfaithful in a love relationship, you have an obligation to tell your partner
I agree with this statement because every person has the right to know the truth. The one should behave with the others in the same way like he or she wants to be treated by others. Love relationships imply that they are built on mutual confidence and sincerity. If someone was unfaithful in love relationship he or she must tell about it. There are several reasons for it. First of all, and the most important one, is that if the one had an unprotected sex he and his partner are under the risk of sexually transmitted diseases or even HIV or syphilis. It means that his infidelity endangers not only his life but also the life of his partner. The concealment of such information is considered as a crime in some states. It will be fair to say that being unfaithful is also the crime against the other person’s agreement on sexual relationships with a certain person. If the one had an affair it means that he took the risk of sexually transmitted diseases. And it is his decision. But he must tell about it to his partner.
The second reason why the one should be honest with his partner is the honor to his or her right to know the truth. Especially if the partner asks directly or has said before that he or she would prefer to know. The last reason to be honest follows from the previous reason. As the saying goes all the secret becomes clear. Ethically and psychologically, the truth told by the spouse is less harmful than the one told by someone else. If the one was unfaithful he must muster up courage and tell this to his partner.